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Things By Others 2003

A Man checker board Lillian made an X with her arms over her chest so people could see what had happened.

Quietly blurry path “You’re reading?” he whispered, drifting.

No Umbrellas Strong Enough kite I saw an angel once when I was taking a shortcut through an alley, behind SFMOMA.

Mary and Jenny cucumber Jenny didn’t even know what was happening until she’d be fucked.
[via Riley Dog]

Family Values crying eyes So! Tell me prisoner... why is it that you like me so much?

Krapp’s Last Tape rowboat I sat on for a few moments with the ball in my hand and the dog yelping and pawing at me. (Pause.) Moments. Her moments, my moments. (Pause.) The dog's moments.

Fault hatchet From a distance, from behind my tree, I wasn’t afraid of it.

Vomit woman from fifties cooking Out of sheer boredom, Kafka notes in his diary, he washed his hands five times in a row.

The Little Box domed roof with windows Now the room is inside her

On the Dole park bench “Thomas,” Aich said. “You disgust me. I did not know I was programmed to feel disgust, but I feel it nevertheless.”

More Pocket Scraps And Dim Memories: These Fragments I Have Shored Against My Ruin top of aerosol can As one of the men removed the bag from his face they both, wild-eyed and gasping, stared across at us in our canoe.

Why I Have to Marry the Pool Guy wave As I write those words his shadow passes through the kitchen window.
[via Riley Dog]

True Things About Trish house on fire I can’t go in there, she thought. Something horrible will happen to me if I go in there.

One Night, Somewhere In The World fog They came around the train station with big dogs after midnight and moved us out.

The Flood plastic bottle The mayor is telling us to be strong, and not to get into the helicopters.

Not Sleepy steaks if any of you are reading this page, you r all bitches.

A Pathetic Fallacy kangaroo “Will there be dogs in heaven?” Ruckert inquired of the man.

Flash bookbag I put my head down so that I would not be struck by shrapnel, but kept filming, angling the camera over the side, holding it still, keeping it zoomed in on the circle around the sphere.

Hayjo painting of figure on brick wall I love these quiet roads, just outside what is our life, that feeling of being lost in a still unfamiliar place, of being plunked down on another planet, looking out with dim longing and dimming wonder at the distant glow of the puzzle that will never be home.

The Awful Truth Neil Armstrong on the fucking moon Jesus H. Christ, Houston. We’re on the fucking moon. Over.
[via The Morning News]

The Smile tusk I promised myself: if I begin to pity, I will stop going. But I do pity her, as well.

The Human Credit Albert Einstein Only the profit motive could spur such a time-consuming thought experiment.

My Record Collection Is A Chemistry Set river So the whole notion of time, no, sorry, I can’t buy it.

The Rememberer salamander Last day I saw him human, he was sad about the world.
[via Riley Dog]

Arthur Hermann Takes The Wheel broken tomato First I swallowed my brain, and now my head’s been stolen.

Fake Dream urinals January 28: We were going to / have sex in the stacks
[via Riley Dog]

The Dragon Has Had Enough telephone And I’ll tell you what else...no, no, look, you’re going to shut up for a few minutes and listen to me.

Stress Relief butterfly beth: oooooooo universe hole ripping, now that is what i mean by tear me a new one

these days Pooh pillow we had money and opportunity and the will to force our personalities on each other 24 hours a day, so we bought a house together.

tick tock, luggage packed passport If you’re not reading this, then I don’t know why I’m writing it.

Plug In alarm clock It was the same day. The weather was eerily the same as it was then.

Do I Repeat Myself? Very Well Then, I Repeat Myself moonlight There always seems to be something lurking in the peripheries, moving in and out of the shadows, the hide-and-seek of an exhausted consciousness.

More Thoughts In My Car At Night chicklets Secretly, I would like to live in my closet.

The Sad Limits Of Human Possibility dog and tree When people say anything’s possible, whenever I hear that, well, I’m sorry, but that’s just something damn fools say.

Candy Wants to Forget Candy's bottom “I have a question for you. The question is this: how can a robot named Candy get drunk?”

Una Palma elephant Noelle does not find this story particularly funny or interesting but she and the palm tree listen to it while the man undresses.
[via Riley Dog]

Futon for sale, full sexual history available cork The futon witnessed our most magnificent conflagrations, including my flinging a cordless phone through our front bay window, and a howling, pitched wrestling match where I finally pinned her down and verbally assaulted her for 5 minutes straight.

INQUIRY (3) golf course For lack of evidence, I’ll skip the beginning, though the middle is hearsay and the end has not yet arrived.

GroupÊMobilization asÊaÊDesperate CryÊforÊHelp rhododendron bush As soon as Deborah opens her door those people with the “I will never stop lovin’ you, Deborah” posters should stoically raise them above their heads.
[via Riley Dog]

Looking for Something Stable Ponies Is it any more strange to believe that your inner creature is a fox than to believe in some sort of soul-plasma that flies to heaven when your heart stops beating?

Nothing fuzzy older sisters To me, the phrase taken on its own was nonsensical, meaningless. But now, looking back, the phrase seems as huge and dark and sad as four words could ever be, and I wonder what it meant to them.

The Next Stanley Kubrick Ghost twins from The Shining Ray knows nothing about motif. He doesn’t realize I am making a statement.
[via Riley Dog]

The Simulacrum and Its Double Tarzan and Jane This is not even that profound an insight, if you ask me. I even feel kind of stupid just bringing it up.

A Missed Opportunity balloons “The caloric requirements of men of that size are almost impossible to believe,”Êshe said, and went back to her sweeping.

We Built Things Greta Garbo I for example built the sparrow. I sat down with my drafting pencils and came up with a sparrow right there on paper.
[via Riley Dog]

Toothbrush yellowish abstract I always brush too hard.

i regret that your parents had sex when they did a park i regret that the first amphibious multi-celled whatever it was hoisted itself onto land, sprouted legs, evolved into humans and then into you.

This is the Life Greta Garbo Our lives and our deaths count equally, or we must abandon one-man-one-vote, dismantle democracy, and assign six billion people an importance-of-life ranking from one to six billiona ranking whose number decreases, like gravity, with the square of the distance between us and them.
[via Riley Dog]

Restoration father and daughter I was tempted for a moment to leave the blemishes intact, but doing so seemed to suggest that I was making a counterfeit of the original and not a proper “copy.”

The Hope Chest elephant All I can think about now is how life sleeps inside us and hurts so badly when it comes out.
[via Riley Dog]

School Day Scuffle burnt corner of page with date I should not have punched Alex at all.

The Parable of the Cake teapot “Peapod, translate this: Malignant Nun, we do not beg for your God.”

These are True Stories ambulance Eleven years ago I discovered the decapitated body of a young woman when I was on a camping trip.
[via Riley Dog]

In which she sucks at casual sex... Oliver Twist and the Artful Dodger She has always made a lousy slut.

Aftermath one car with its hood under another I was remembering a scene in that dreadful movie Twister when the cow flies through the air.

There’s Privacy Behind the Steam dishes Even as a joke, I think this plan of yours to fall in love with Sara and have her rescue you from a life of drudgery is rather far-fetched.

The Harvest solarium.jpg I said, “Cure for what?” The lawyer said, “Immaterial.”
[via Riley Dog]

Contained within black dots on red I was suddenly overcome by the need to tell you everything.

How to Love a Bicycle bicycle gears There is a certain romance reserved for machines.
[via Riley Dog]

Justice and Lost Eggs goblin Well, the goblin made a stupid mistake. That doesn’t make the chickens smart.

Two Acceptance Speeches and One Refusal see-thru bra Last week, a nice lady in Michigan bought my right forefinger for $30.

Say It Is grasshopper You are a grotesque, you are a deviant. Many have said this to you these past months and now you are invited to a party to face them.
[via Riley Dog]

A Strain on the Heart butter All this sugar slows the thought processes. No one cares to scheme when even sitting up gives them a headache.

Andrew Corsello on three stories about Christopher Walken Fran Drescher While still pinning Fabrice with his gaze, Walken raised his hand, pointed a finger at an old yellow Cadillac parked several yards away and asked, “Would you like to park there?”
[via Riley Dog]

Water crowbar If there are others in the room besides the hero, this thin slice of air, narrowing by the minute, is where they will shout, hatch plans and comfort each other.

212 Feedback Comments Left by andy46477 ebay user ID field I’ll bid on you til there’s nothing left but crumbs! Then I’ll bid on the crumbs.
[via Hot Soup Girl]

Lilac close-up of carpet There’s hope and then there's hope.

invasion of the righteous medals We arrived planetside, guns blazing, except for Ace who prefers to do “research” before even loading his blaster.
[via Riley Dog]

Listen Up scarf It’s not surprising that you fed some strange envelope to the ATM and can’t remember doing it.

Re: Re: Re: Re: Story Submission Johnny Cash I took out the part about the guy’s father coming back from the dead. I’m TRYING to make it REAL, OK?

Caller ID kraken I picture him dipping a metal pin into an ink well so as to fit as many words on a postcard as possible.

The Line chest Some days before I began wondering how long I had been standing in line, a man in front of me fainted.
[via Riley Dog]

I Met a Woman at a Bar stick of gum I have to verify all the colons in five Condé Nast publications. Mostly I deal with all the colons at Vogue.

86,400 calculator I ate handfuls of Doritos and three packs of nutty bars. Then I bawled for about 1200 and went to bed.
[via Riley Dog]

rich, bored, soap lemonade My autobiography is not coming along very well.

Been All Around And Like No One coffee There was much about loneliness to be learned.

from The Lichtenberg Figures stapler My death was first runner-up at the 1996 Kansas State Wrestling Championships (157 lbs).
[via Riley Dog]

Prior to Returning the Adoption knives What a party it had been. Sixty-seven initially over-energetic toddlers forced to stay awake against their will for two straight days without rest.

My Wife Denies Being My Older Self rope Everything was going fine until the vows.ÊEverything always goes fine until the vows.
[via Riley Dog]

pick me pick me wooden leg I think for our first date, if I had enough time, I could have a time machine ready.

Decisions sun ‘Don’t touch it,’ she said. When he didn’t touch it she said, ‘Go ahead. Touch it.’
[via Riley Dog]

more sugar please keyboard it has taken 592 of us to type this up & 4 hours and many have died but we love you so please help

Girl Falls In Love Day! water bottle Thumbnail number one: A brown-haired girl in her mid-twenties is sitting on a grassy hill on a sunny afternoon.

a slash b xylophone your body will plunder anything for protein.

Call My Name wall hook I want to jump the chair over and pounce on him, but I can’t steer it very well, so instead I turn my head around and stare at him, first seductively and then like a pain in the ass.
[via Riley Dog]

Tales of Roy Orbison Being Wrapped in Clingfilm Roy Orbison ‘I have a surprising amount of clingfilm,’ I say with a nervous laugh.
[via Riley Dog]

The time I did lines with a bunch of grad students upstate and we ran around in the woods naked firing guns at each other at random dark woods It sounded fun, but I didn’t have a gun.

Happy Endings motorcycle Inside John, she thinks, is another John, who is much nicer.
[via Riley Dog]

Errata urinal Dr. Albin’s first mistake was cleverly holding Mr. Abelard’s brain over his hand before weighing it, making like it was a puppet.

I Followed You Through a Shopping Mall escalator In Sears you purchased a windshield scraper. Remember years ago when I gave you a ride to school?
[via Riley Dog]

Don’t Buy A Collapsible Home Because They’re Built In Such A Way That They Will Collapse Day! slanted house I tried making them fall to the left, but I thought that looked stupid. When the house all of a sudden just slants over to the right and drops like a drunk on a doorstep, that rules.

God In The Form Of A Snake Devouring Itself cage the world defined simply / and too often / by the ease with which / beauty is destroyed
[via Riley Dog]

Some of Us Had Been Threatening Our Friend Colby gibbet Hugh was worried about the wording of the invitations. What if one of them fell into the hands of the authorities?
[via Riley Dog]

Antivalentinalia blue drink The scariest holiday of the year, read the invite.
[via Whygodwhy]

in the trenches, rot sets in trench I have a great gun, but mostly I’m meeting new people and we’ve formed a band.

United States of Racist Aunt some southern states Go see a show but be careful of the Coloreds. You mind your business and they’ll mind theirs.
[via Whygodwhy]

Glenn Gould in Six Parts Glenn Gould Several men are sitting behind the glass wall of the recording booth but he’s not thinking about them. He's thinking about someone he knows is out there.

The President’s Handler silhouetted man Many on the White House staff cried before the announcement; some packed boxes and smartly caught the first flight for another country.

at sea, shoes, spelling errors Three plastic figures of naval characters one of the sailors on board is cute (well like no duh or why would i come) and get this- he totally bathes every day even when it’s cloudy.
[via Whygodwhy]

Recurrent Short Term Full Aphasic Memory Disorder Amber There’s a card around my neck!

The Drink burning car The other people at the table are understandably uncomfortable.
[via Riley Dog]

The Shape of Her Footprints straw hat I replayed the scene between us over and over, but could make no sense out of it.
[via Riley Dog]

Please Forward postal stamp Look, I don’t mean to be a dick, but from now on I’m just going to toss these into the Lake of Everlasting Fire. FYI.

Ten Letters to the President forklift “Kidnap is a word that means when you love someone so much you want to hug and squeeze them,” I said.
[via Riley Dog]

Fear: Four Examples umbrella I looked into the mirror to see if I looked like someone's father.

Beauty and the Breasts: A Conversation Jesus S: Poopie in the potty.
D: Right. When you poopie in the potty you’ll have breasts.
[via Ftrain]

The Professor briefcase More important than the clothes a cowboy wore, and the way he wore them, was the fact that a cowboy probably wouldn’t know much more than he had to.

Hell: An Autobiography futon The fat man says, repeatedly, Haven’t I told you the rules? They are: 1) You must never leave; 2) You must not go downstairs; 3) You must not laugh; 4) But you MUST have sexual intercourse with the fat man during which A) you must be willing and B) you must be underneath.
[via Riley Dog]

Love Thy Clone belly button Western philosophy is a long, patient and cruel training course whose objective is to persuade us that a few wrong ideas are right.
[via Wood S Lot]

The Zombies thermometer A zombie advances toward a group of thin blooming daughters and describes, with many motions of his hands and arms, the breakfasts they may expect in a zombie home.
[via Riley Dog]

Some Dogs I Have Known, and How They Died skulking dog For a moment I thought I saw Skip move, but it was an illusion.

I’m Playing Tetris homecoming queen I’m playing Tetris and coaching an invisible crew of beginners, explaining the value of choosing a favorite shape.

Transit graffiti of prone man Over one hundred photographs of graffiti from San Francisco and New York take from 1995 to 2000.
[via Riley Dog]

Everything’s in Something Else microwave oven He referred to the instruction booklet, but in none of the six languages could he find an entry applicable to his particular situation.
[via Riley Dog]

Dreams fighter in ring fighting briefcase I dreamed there was one fighter in the ring and one briefcase.

Physiognomy corner of a photographic backdrop; a person's head stick up some Conditions alone cannot account for the strangeness of this image, which seems to be suffused with great discomfort, if not outright suffering.

Steady Hands at Seattle General Elvis from the poster for the film Follow That Dream “When you look back, what do you see?”
“Wrecked cars.”
[via Riley Dog]

The Funeral Swedish meatballs The Deceased gives us a dirty look.
[via Riley Dog]

The Skeleton & The Crab hand of a skeleton holding something When the crab grew too tired to continue, the skeleton carried him inside his ribcage.

Rear Subway Window view out the back window of a subway car For a moment I have a fantasy of narratives as glowing line, and the trains as braided cords of story where everyone comes together.

For Those of Us Who Need Such Things print of hotel in Savannah, GA I made some inquiries and one thing led to another and I ended up buying the whole city, cheap.
[via Riley Dog]

Machines scraps of paper on sticks so that they look like birds Machine with Wishbone · Machine with Oil · Machine with 23 Scraps of Paper

Gorge toaster All had been fine, then we stopped for some elk jerky and something changed.

Harrison’s Hand view from a rollercoaster Waking up with one hand gone put Harrison in all sorts of compromising positions.

The Four Stages of Writing a Novel stick figures of jack and jill I feel the story growing within me, a ball of something that might soon explode or melt, if I don’t capture it and put it in its cage (USE THIS, SOMEHOW, IN THE STORY).

An Interpretation Of, And Pronunciation Guide For, Reo Speedwagon's 1980 Hit, 'Keep On Lovin' You' empty ice rink Youth never dies. It must be killed.

When You Turn Everything Into Symbol, Bad Things Happen Or, The Same Instinct RunsÊ Through It All horse in a barren space Yes, even in the middle of being taken from behind the Pretty Girl was thinking of how hard she would be if she were ever behind herself sticking it to herself.

That Sushi Bar? felt slippers I was stopped by a New York State Trooper, who happened to be on his lunch break.
[via Riley Dog]