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Instructions In The Event That The Bus I’m On Suddenly Spins Out of Control and Crashes and I Die | Oct 29 2002

Track down my childhood friend David Helnick (my sister will help you) and have him show you where the fort was. If David doesn’t remember, say it was the fort that the park guard had his horse pull down with a rope. This is where I want my ashes to go, where the fort was.

Sell what few things I have and use the money to pay for the cremation and such. If anything is left over, give it to my mom.

Write a brief piece about what happened to me and put it in place of the Oblivio index page (index.html). You can upload using my Fetch bookmark for “Oblivio.”

After a month or two, take down the entire site, including the archives. Replace the index page with a plain white page with the Proust quote I love so: The lion of love trembled before the python of forgetfulness.

On second thought, make it the Wittgenstein quote I love so: I can well understand why children love sand.

Remind everyone how much I loved them. Exaggerate if necessary, but make it seem plausible.

I have a collection of pornography on my hard drive in a folder called “reference.” Delete it.

My web projects are in folder called “web.” Make a copy of this and save it for when my former clients need master files.

Remember: “reference” = delete, “web” = save.

Tell R, S, and A how sorry I am for having hurt them. M will be inconsolable, so gently suggest that she seek perspective by speaking with R, S, and A.

If you have a memorial for me, everyone who talks has to mention at least one thing they couldn’t stand about me. Make this clear up front: no one gets to speak without mentioning at least one negative. And it can’t be a bullshit negative like, He was too fucking funny. I’m not kidding about this. It’s my last request.