September 20, 2003


For some time now I’ve had nothing to say, nor seen any reason to say anything. Yesterday I bought a shower curtain and shower curtain liner. It was kind of a big deal. I used to have just a liner because the fancier sort of curtain seemed silly, a useless bit of decoration. But something got into me yesterday and I decided that man does not live by usability alone.

Also, perhaps because I’ve had nothing to say, I recently gave in and bought a cellphone. I hate it already. I spent an hour trying and failing to figure out how to leave a greeting for when someone calls. Then I made the mistake of emailing my cellphone number to a dozen or so friends. The email went:

I have a cellphone now. The number is […]. Please don’t call me on it for a while, I’m a little freaked out.

Immediately three friends called me. Evidently all my friends have the same sense of humor. I refused to answer the thing and tried instead to figure out a way to turn it off, which I failed to do because the user manual sucks. In the end I stuffed it at the bottom of my laundry hamper, which is where it will remain until I decide my next step. If I forget it’s there and end up including it in my next load of laundry, so be it.

Oh: A short time later the phone started ringing again, so I dug it up and stuffed it inside four pairs of athletic socks (eight socks into all, one inside another), then returned it to the bottom of the hamper. Then I called it on my regular phone to confirm I couldn’t hear it. I couldn’t. As it rang I covered my phone with my hand and walked over to the hamper and stood there listening.

Nothing. Silence.