The document is eleven pages long and is called Customer Sensitivity Issues in Content. It shows what’s okay and not okay to include in the company’s publications. The company is a major publisher of children’s literature.
These things (among many others) are not okay anywhere ever:
- casual, social drinking by adults
- birth control / cloning / reproductive issues
- ghosts, witches, warlocks
- topics considered embarrassing such as menstruation, flatulence
- “embarrassing” words such as breast, toilet, brassiere, jackass
- people discussing sex or sexual feelings; human sexual acts
- blatant disrespect of parents or authority figures
- kids vomiting
I’m in a bar having a drink with a sexy ghost. We’re discussing reproductive issues. I ask if ghosts need to use birth control, and she says they don’t.
She has nice breasts.
I ask if ghosts still have periods. She says no and adds that ghosts can’t have sex with living people because ghosts’ bodies are immaterial. If a human tried to fuck her, he’d fall through.
I ask about phone sex, and she laughs. She has a great laugh.
Just then the president walks by. He’s holding a vomiting child and looks like he’s about to shoot himself. His t-shirt says, JACKASS.
“Only by speaker phone,” says the ghost.
“Ghosts can only have phone sex by speaker phone. It’s the immaterial problem.”