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Oblivio Favorites

Haunted House hunting knife There are few lies we would tell at the cost of having to later admit them to the person we deceived.

Post-it scene from The Sixth Sense I wouldn't have known I knew my father's handwriting, but I recognized it immediately.

Buddy light bulb We were crawling through a ditch on our bellies when there was this sudden flash of light and ka-boo, no robot head.

Disappeared Shrek I'm on the phone with a client when my mother calls to tell me my brother has disappeared.

Inscription Fireworks over Manhattan In the kitchen Teresa was making tuna fish sandwiches. She wasn't the same Teresa she had been just a short time earlier. She will never be that Teresa again.

Terrace Stalin My taxonomy of evil will include an adjustment for scale.

Iris iris Once, long ago, someone stood on this spot and cemented all these tiny shards in place.

Decision time machine You can have any woman in the world you want, but you have to decide in the next 60 seconds and the decision is permanent.

Atlas fire alarm I must have waved that book for two full minutes before the screech finally stopped.

My Glasses 1 glasses It happens in one of two ways.

Mr. Butternut rodeo One way I’ve changed over the years is that I don’t hesitate to drop stuff that isn't working. Stuff like Charlie L.

Cramps stamps Some highways have a thing for ramps.

Squid tutu It’s all about connecting with the audience, even when the audience is a roomful of blackness.

Date fluorescent light I had no way of knowing what had flown into me.

Bad Witch Your host, drawn by a child I stuck her in the bathroom sink and told her if she tried to get down, I would turn her into a bar of soap and wash my face with her.

C0cksucker newspaper This is a problem I have: I have to do the best job possible or I feel like crap.

The Obvious ship hull “Lying naked with J,” she said, as though joking, which in a sense she was, the joke being that the joke wasn’t a joke.

Fantasy punter Looking into your eyes, I watch your idea of me collapse.

Plastic magic lantern How many men have rejected her, for how many supposed reasons, while each time she knew the real reason?

Confession sock Sometimes I think of writing all the lies in a special “lie” color.

The Plight of the Orange Juice Container arrow A certain unease began to roll in.

Nothing hamper In the end I stuffed it at the bottom of my laundry hamper.

Song 15 Ryan Nyquist Wasted day.

Song 7 Starbucks Mocha “A death sentence would give you discipline?”

Song 5 manhole cover As I shopped, I made a mental list of things babies don’t know.

Song 1 merry-go-round This is how it is these days: the happiest thing makes me sad.

Dirt in a Cup wood chips Matthew scooted over to see. “I think it says cock,” he said.

Heroes firehose There’s a firehouse on my block. I call it a herohouse.

Gone skid marks While peeing I repeated a little mantra to myself: “Generosity of spirit. Generosity of spirit. Generosity of spirit.”

Song ice cream truck This is both an observation and a fantasy.

Regrets phone Actually the third time may not count as a time because all it was, was sex.

Planet tree What world is this?

Ducklings little red wagon Last week there were eight searches for “u r an unabashed prick” and five for “fuck you asshole.”

Lines and Arrows stealing second base In fact this may be why I kissed her: because I respected her logic.

Note math Went to a party tonight. Got drunk. Danced. Left a note in a woman’s shoe.

Motel octopus When life is over, you go to the motel.

Pebbles coat rack We had a little routine for after.

Man is a Wolf to Man chart “Men are not gentle, friendly creatures wishing for love,” said one Frankfurt based trader.

Cashier cash register She never says hello, nor smiles, nor does anything to acknowledge my existence as distinct from my groceries.

Recording tape recorder My mind skips around. I can’t concentrate on what I’m trying to do.

Helmet aerial view of a city in India You appear to be screwed either way.

Talk telephone poles I haven’t forgotten that tenderness and don’t think I ever can or will.

Journey newspaper The flakes of oatmeal at the top of my oatmeal jar are like the people waiting for a plane at the airport.

Conversation empty windows The naturalness between us is gone. It’s been this way a long time now.

Hum exercise bike It’s very spare and low-tech. It’s shot in black and white and appears to be slightly out of focus.

Circuits of Change steering wheel Holy fuck, there’s reason for hope.

Doll Sisyphus pushing rock The legless doll is indomitable; no amount of abuse can knock it down for good, since abuse is what it was made for.

Beginning X-ray of elbow M came by today, against my wishes.

Platform yellow W A woman, a blond in a dark coat, leans against a pole and possibly cries.

Contraption a single collard green You say Hi, trying to make the Hi cheerful-sounding, only you know it isn’t cheerful-sounding.

Heartbreak X-ray of elbow I set a record today for total amount of time spent with one’s forehead on one’s desk.

Phone X-ray of elbow Do you have any idea of what I would do to you if I was there?

Speak a shot from the film Alien, actually I have become the designated speaker-at-funerals.

Thanksgiving X-ray of elbow Don’t lift a two-year-old by the wrists.

Sex A woman's torso, rather abstract and fuzzy I don’t even remember it except for a few moments I hardly remember.

Pause A strange-looking phone The love interest in my dream last night was named Michael Barrish.

Tie-breaker Close-up of epidermis For a whole week he hasn’t done one goddamn fucking thing.

Drunk Iconic representation of woman, as seen on bathroom doors Her voice echoed the way voices echo in restrooms.

Wreckage People in a theater looking at smoke on a stage Why do I hate you, gentle user of Netscape 4x?

Wheels I so fucking will.

Instructions In The Event That The Bus I’m On Suddenly Spins Out of Control and Crashes and I Die I’m not kidding about this. It’s my last request.

Talk In a world with no thought, I would do it each time and not stop.

Submerged Bigger than a fishbowl, a room, a house.

Home One card I burned, the other I ate.

Biggz whats the web site where yer ex is at, i wanna see those naked pics.

Thing If you didn’t know better, you may have thought the gesture unconscious.

China Star We’ve now arrived at the hard part, the part about the condiments and the fork.

Shovel 6 He was persistent in the way that certain men are persistent about such things.

Shovel 3 My grandfather didn’t want me to see the papers.

Shovel 1 I was somewhere near or perhaps at the top of Maxwell Street when a man approached me, I think in a car.

Cabins Mila asked if I wanted to hold it, and I said no, not wanting to.

Bookmark Sadly—and this I noticed immediately—she didn’t appear to be aroused.

Accident I have this idea that I’m going to go blind.

Attachment 15.) I am trying to see if he’s listening.

Dollop A man in the future remembers a woman he saw as a child, before the outbreak of World War III.

Elsewhere HELLO, MICHAEL READING THIS IN THE FUTURE.

Mofo Oblivio is now the #1 search result on Google for the word “motherfucker.” Choosy motherfuckers choose oblivio.

Form Her forearm is the same as her nose.

Black Top I have no memory of what I did in that corner.
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Deflection No matter how many times this happens, I’m always surprised by it—unnerved, even.

Triptych I had the idea—the dream, really—that she was typing her secret thoughts to me.

Upgrade I have an idea, sweetie. Why don’t you bring your new girlfriend along and fuck her on the couch?

Uds Occasionally she stamps her foot, the right one, hard.

Emperor I am troubled. The troubled Michael Barrish.

#1 When pressed to defend my actions, I invariably resort to the three-point approach, leaning heavily on “minimize the wrong.”

Sign It was Rachel’s idea to steal the duck sign.

Tape People stood around the television and watched themselves wishing Paul and Julie a happy marriage, one year earlier.

Nothing But Dots The moment I learned I’m colorblind felt a little like having my teeth fall out in a dream.

The Third Balloon It was a nice summer party with music and food and what smelled like a boatload of marijuana.

New York, New York Both men look beat up and possibly drugged.

Lie He said that sometimes he and mother want to be close, as close as they can be, so what happens is, he puts his penis inside her vagina.

Missing Her method was compelling: she spoke as if everything had already been settled.

Manifesto I want all the shows on television to be about me and my life.

Container She was surprised by what I did to the trash can, I could see it in her eyes.

Poolhall I ran into my grandfather in the pool hall on Mott and Houston. I was just passing by and got the urge to play. My grandfather’s been dead over a decade now.

Canoe The voice is always the same: a kind of a barely controlled rage.

Arms Then she said, as if in discovery, ‘You have a penis.’ There was no sense denying it.

Death of a Snowperson I was particularly proud of her breasts, one of which was slightly larger than the other, like with non-snow women.

Why I am Late I said nothing. My chest felt heavy. I decided to look at the soft drink dispenser.

Doorknob There’s this moment in the car, before I get out of the car, where we have no choice but to say good night in the car.

Flaming Ball of Fire Sometimes when I see she’s getting a little discouraged, I remind her that the earth will one day be a flaming ball of fire and that all this will be forgotten. That helps.

Michael’s Burnt Soup 1. Begin with soup.

System My only chance, if I had one, was a perfect swipe.

Banana Split At sixteen, in an act of desperation, I took an aptitude test. Soon after taking this test, I dropped out of high school.

Storage Facility Back in 1999, Jaron Lanier, a leading figure in the history of Virtual Reality, proposed a revolutionary vehicle for archival storage: cockroaches.

Downstairs The first time it happened, I swore I’d never do that again.

Fun and Games Together with a friend, take turns naming things you hate and why you hate them.

Excuses I never intended to read her journal. This is important.

Contents of My Bag My bag is insanely sexy.

How to Get Nothing Done Brooding helps. As does obsessing over things beyond your control or ability to influence.

Busted > Zeldman Presents
> Whitman Presents

Taxonomy Would you want a) to know the painful truth or b) to live your life in blissful ignorance?

Mouth He was the same guy who drives like he’s playing a video game, weaving between lanes at ninety miles an hour. How I hate him.

Fortune My step-grandfather Andy died by running himself over.

This Happiness Business My heart went out to Gail who had nothing to do but wait while Dean mocked Kate Winslet’s breasts and sold his kitchen to Bev.

Ladder I cannot be getting a collect call from Michael Barrish because I’m Michael Barrish.

Jolly Ranchers Cost per execution for drugs used: $86.08.

Freak The book is musical, its effect on me is like music, like the effect music has.

Dryer As we were leaving, I noticed that she had disappeared and that her clothes were still spinning in the dryer.

Badge of Courage Sydney was at kindergarden when the planes hit, just a few blocks from the towers. “That was my worst day of kindergarden ever,” she said (it was her fourth).

Motherfucker The quasi-pornographic content would be inadvertently beneficial, I told myself, since it would scare away the “bad” clients and attract the “good” clients.

Happiness = 12 + 6 Scientists in Japan, in an attempt to boast flagging morale among assembly-line workers, have used Ekman’s FACS data to create a robot “co-worker.”

Pinocchio’s Erection Collidi’s story was intended as a morality tale for children, the moral of course being: don’t tell lies or you’ll be kicked out of school and forced to have incredible, life-transforming adventures.

The Black Knight Dot knew what mortality was, she knew that Al was mortal, but she could not complete the syllogism.