November 11, 2003

C0cksucker

I took a job writing spam headers. I won’t try defend this because I can’t. That’s my defense: I have no defense. Anyway I only wrote headers; no body copy.

Not that I was so great with headers. The guy who hired me, I’ll call him Josh, paid me by the header. He’d say, “Give me twenty headers about sucking c0ck” and I’d spend half a day writing the world’s best headers about sucking c0ck, which was ridiculous because he was paying me a flat rate and would use maybe two headers.

Anyway I quit writing spam headers when it became clear that Josh didn’t appreciate my work. The final straw was the aforementioned c0cksucking assignment. I wrote a header I really liked but that Josh considered “overly modest.” It went:

i am not perfect but i do suck c0ck

As I saw it, the reader would picture a woman who was trying to be realistic about her strengths and weaknesses. This made her compelling to me; in fact it made me want to know more about her. But Josh doesn’t care for subtleties. He wants the hard sell, as it were, which I find distasteful. So I quit.

I am not perfect, I told him, but I won’t whore myself.