June 17, 2002


loose leaf paper with writing

I noticed a sheet of loose leaf paper swirling with the trash in front of my apartment building. Handwritten. Pencil. Bottom left corner torn but otherwise unmarked. Some erasures related to line-spacing.

I stood there reading, then looked around for something else, an “attachment,” without finding anything.

This is what was written on the paper:

1.) I am myself at my age.

2.) I am dressed in everyday clothes.

3.) I am in my brother’s room.

4.) My brother who is falling for a girl who I know is bad news. He’s giving up a chance for a great scholarship to a school.

5.) He said, “Randy, I think I’m in love with her.”

6.) I want him to go to school.

7.) See attached.

8.) Forget Susan. Are you not seeing that this will ruin your life.

9.) Yes, she could be a murderer.

10.) I can’t physically force him to understand me.

11.) I really care about him, and it would kill me if that happens.

12.) He is trying to convince someone that is close to him.
The height of it is at “I hand to you like a brother.” He starts to walk downstairs.

13.) See attached.
14.) See attached.

15.) I am trying to see if he’s listening.

16.) Ugh … I wonder if he’s heard a word of it.

17.) I hope I did enough.

18.) See attached.