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Question | Oct 16 2005

Last week, over oatmeal, as K and I were discussing her resistance to doing the dishes, we arrived at the following question: What single thing is most important to your happiness? Our contrasting answers to this question help to explain many things, including why she hates doing the dishes and why I bother to tell you this.

K’s answer: Positive, shared experiences.

My answer: Finding my thoughts interesting.

It was quietly thrilling. I wondered out loud when my thoughts seem interesting to me, what’s happening then, and the answer was plain: When I see something new, when I’m uncovering the truth about something.

I said, “I could be happy dying if I found my thoughts interesting.”

K added, “Oblivio is a record of your interesting thoughts.”

I noted that K’s attachment to her cat is the result of many positive, shared experiences, and that her life is set up to foster and maximize such experiences, which I dubbed, in the singular, a PSE (pronounced “pissy”).

Ever since, whenever K and I talk about our days, I ask her about her PSE’s. “Did you have any PSE’s at the meeting?” “Was your dinner with so-and-so a PSE?”

Obviously there are no potential PSE’s in doing the dishes, unless one does them with another. By contrast, dishwashing is an ideal time for thinking—as is any solitary, meditative activity. This explains why I love showers, and why K loves showering together.

I recall something a beautiful woman once said to me on a date: “Don’t make yourself miserable by thinking so much.” I ended the date as quickly as I could and never called her again.