Skip to primary content

Song 14 | Aug 16 2003

I wanted to figure out how to put Song 14 on a loop so I could listen to it like that, over and over, and possibly write about it, or write from within it, but there was no way to get my CD player to do that. It has a button that says REPEAT but evidently the button is broken or is repeating something elsewhere in the world.

Vaguely related to this, I’ve been thinking about pleasure. My main discovery is that pleasure cannot be described. Instead one must rely on the experience of the reader, on the fact that the reader has had certain experiences, and attempt to write something that recalls those experiences. Consider, say, kissing. What is there to say to describe kissing, the experience of kissing, other than that it feels nice, which describes nothing. Choreographic descriptions of lips and tongues don’t cut it.

After failing to get the song to play in a loop, I turned out all the lights, started the song again from the beginning, and danced. This felt nice (!) until I noticed my outline in the mirror near at the foot of my bed. That made me self-conscious. I like dancing but I feel self-conscious to see myself dance. The reason, I think, is that I don’t like being reminded of how I am a person like other people, one of those things. It’s not that I ever imagine otherwise; I just don’t like to be reminded of this fact, particularly in moments of pleasure.