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Outfits | Mar 27 2003

The outfits worn by the waitresses resemble togas, except that they’re nothing like the sort of togas you imagine on Romans, because for one thing they’re just skimpy little togas that don’t even go to halfway down the thigh. Plus, and this is main thing, they’re just as skimpy on top—so skimpy they barely cover the breasts. The togas—one wonders how they do this—make the breasts protrude on top. There must be something that pushes them up from underneath, because even the breasts that wouldn’t normally protrude, protrude.

In fact when you look at the breasts it looks like they’re about to just spill right out of there, that’s what it looks like, like the togas can’t possibly stop them from spilling out, and yet something does stop them because ultimately they don’t spill out and instead remain right on the edge of spilling.

Also there’s a man in the men’s room who hands you a fluffy white towel. He’s got a pile of towels and all he ever does is hand them to you. That’s his job. You come in and you pee and then, just so no one thinks you don’t do this, you wash your hands in the sink.

Here’s where he gives you the towel, when you’re finished rinsing.

Obviously he’s watching you, how else does he know it’s time for the towel? Probably he has the thing down to where he doesn’t start watching until after you turn on the water or reach for the soap, or probably at some later point, such as when you start rubbing your hands together. Or maybe he never actually watches what you’re doing with your hands but instead looks for some movement of your hip or shoulder that tells him it’s almost time, something subtle that only people who do what he does ever learn to look for.

On the wall right next to him is a paper towel dispenser, but hardly anyone ever uses this dispenser because of how rude it would seem to do so. Doubtless most people would prefer to use the dispenser, but since the man with the towels is right there and since it’s obviously his job to be there, they play along with him and take the towel, even if they think it’s ridiculous.

What a job, to hand people towels they don’t want and never asked for!

Although on the other hand at least he gets to wear a half-decent jacket, whereas the waitresses are stuck wearing togas that aren’t real togas but merely the least amount of clothing they can possibly wear—the reason being of course that the waitresses are there to been seen, to be looked at, in particular their breasts are, whereas the man in the men’s room, the men’s room attendant, is a kind of invisible person, and so he’s wearing the kind of jacket that makes him invisible except in the sense that you definitely see him—how could you not?—as he hands you the towel.