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Realm | Nov 25 2002

This happened.

I show up to see Realm of the Senses, a stupid film if ever there was one. When I arrive two usher-types are at the door asking for IDs.

Them: Are you a student?

Me: No.

Them: You need to be a student to see this show for free.

Me: Well, I’m not a student but I’m perfectly willing to pay.

I hold out a ten-dollar bill.

Them: There’s been a foul-up with the distributor. We can only show this film free to students. It’s a legal thing. We’re sorry.

Me: You don’t have to apologize. I’m only too happy to pay.

Them: You don’t understand. Our agreement with the distributor stipulates that only students can be shown this film for free.

Me: I don’t get it. Is this a student-only showing? It wasn’t advertised that way.

Them: There’s been a problem with the distributor. Only students can see this film for free.

Me: Why do you keep repeating that? I already told you: I’m not a student.

Them: If you were a student who has lost his ID however…

Pause.

Me: Oh, dear me, whatever has happen to my STUDENT ID? Being a STUDENT, I always carry it with me. That’s what STUDENTS do, you know: they carry their STUDENT IDs with them. I happen to know this because I myself am a STUDENT. By the way, have I mentioned that I’ve lost my STUDENT ID? It was just here in my pocket, but now, being a STUDENT, I’ve gone ahead and lost it.

They smile and turn to the next person in line. I walk into the theater.