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Accident | Jun 21 2002

My eyes aren’t working right. This happens sometimes, my vision goes blurry at the sides. When I was a kid I liked to push in my eyes with my thumbs, pushing on my eyelids, so that my vision would become messed up in an interesting way. This is like that. It’s from the computer of course, from all the time I spend looking at a computer monitor.

When it happens the only thing I can do to make it stop is to sleep. That’s why I’m in bed now, in the middle of the afternoon, when I have work to do.

I’m having trouble seeing the words I’m writing here, so I’m mostly writing with my eyes closed. I just peek now and then to make sure I’m not writing on top of things I’ve already written.

I have this idea that I’m going to go blind one day. I also think (imagine?) that I’m going to die in a car accident. If both happen, it follows I will need to go blind before dying in an accident, which means that someone else will have to be driving the car. I don’t know who this person might be. The way I think of it, I’ll deal with this question once I become blind and people start driving me places.

A new thought: I could go blind just before the accident, in the car. Or even: The accident could be a result of my sudden blindness!

I hadn’t realized this before. It changes things.