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The Third Gender | Mar 17 2002

The genius of our method of reproduction was driven home for me in a new way yesterday as Rachel and I attempted to invent a third gender. It can’t be done. Or it can be done, I suppose, but not without stooping to the sort of nonsense that follows.

  1. Because men and women cannot have physical contact without the risk of infection and possibly death, an intermediary person acts as a kind of all-body condom between the two. This person stretches out over the man and molds itself to the shape of his body, forming a protective membrane. When the man penetrates the woman, his penis is sheathed by the membrane. As the man approaches ejaculation, a small opening appears in the membrane to allow the man’s sperm to enter the woman.

  2. Men can’t be aroused unless penetrated from behind by a different sort of male (a male2). Male2s have penises but don’t produce sperm; their only role in reproduction is to enable male1s to impregnate women. Although three-person relationships generally begin with a male1/male2 pair, sometimes a male1 will couple with a woman, and together they will seek a male2 to consummate their relationship. Male2s can have sex with women directly, but since no child can result from these acts, they’re thought deviant.

  3. There are two types of males, and each produces its own form of sperm, both of which are necessary for conception. In one variation, the two forms of sperm must be introduced into the egg in a certain order and within a narrow time-frame, say, forty-eight hours. This necessitates a specialized role for male2s, who are called in when a couple (consisting of a woman and a male1) has had sex and would like to try having a child. Or then again it might be male1s who play the specialized role, joining a woman/male2 couple who have decided to reproduce. But in any case, one or another approach is considered normative, if only to define clear gender roles for the two types of males. In another variation, male2s contribue sperm much later in the process, say, around the three-month mark. Here woman/male1 pairings are normative, while woman/male2 pairings are deviant, although not to the same degree as the various homosexual pairings (deviance being determined by the degree to which a pairing is antithetical to reproduction).

  4. A woman, having been impregnated by a male1, has sex periodically throughout her pregnancy with a male2, who serves as a kind of filling station, providing sustenance for the growing fetus. A single ejaculation of a male2 takes several minutes.

  5. Female reproductive responsibilities are divided between two kinds of women. Female1s produce eggs and have sex with men; female2s carry unborn fetuses to term and give birth. Unborn fetuses are transferred between the two women in an as yet to be determined sex act.