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Thing | Jan 18 2002

Spent a ridiculous amount of time writing a thing I abhor, and now it’s nearly morning and I’m angry with myself for persisting with something that wasn’t working and didn’t feel workable and yet I persisted, as I do, I kept trying, as I do, despite the hour, I couldn’t help myself, I got locked in, I thought there was something there, I thought that if I kept looking I would find it, only what I needed to do, what I should have done, what any sensible person would have known to do, was to let go, to give up, only I couldn’t, I wanted it and could almost see it there, but that was desire speaking, it wasn’t and never could be there, I wanted it to be there but it wasn’t and no amount of trying could make it so, goodnight.