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Michael’s Burnt Soup | Jan 14 2002

  1. Begin with soup. I use canned (Health Valley is good), but any kind of soup will do.
  2. Pour the soup into a pot and turn the flame up much higher than necessary.
  3. Do not stir.
  4. Sit at your computer and work on a proposal for a new job that you really really hope you get because you would be perfect for it and do a fabulous job and the client would absolutely love you forever and life would be great.
  5. Become so engrossed in this proposal that you forget about the soup and also fail to smell that horrible burning smell coming from the kitchen, which in your studio apartment is located just eight feet behind you.
  6. Finally notice the horrible smell, then rush over and turn on the faucet and hold the soup under it for a bit, at which point an enormous plume of steam should shoot up and nearly burn you.
  7. Stir the soup with a big wooden spoon, frequently scraping the bottom of the pot.
  8. Consider making a different pot of soup but then decide that you actually like the taste of burnt things.
  9. Cool the soup in the refrigerator, placing an oven mitten under the pot to prevent the plastic shelf coating from melting.
  10. Serve with crumbled bits of toast over-toasted in the oven because you don’t have a toaster and forgot about the fucking toast.