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Party! | Dec 01 2001

I’m having a birthday party this Saturday, despite not having had a birthday party in, I believe, twenty-two years, and basically hating the whole idea and only doing it out of a pathetic desperation to surprise myself.

When I was kid I loved this day more than anything. My mother, whatever her faults, knew how to throw a party. We’d go to New England Pizza, my friends and I, and eat ourselves sick. That’s what fun is. In later years we’d have a contest to see who could eat the most pieces. One year Howard Skolnick caught Scott Rosengarden spitting out half of his last piece into the toilet, which gave the title to Richard Marcus. Big drama! Another year Anthony Pitcharelli (who later became a champion high school discus thrower and then abruptly went mad, had a nervous breakdown and never recovered, remains institutionalized to this day) ate fourteen pieces. These were small pieces, mind you, but still.

It’s going a kid-style birthday party, without kids. We’ll wear hats and play kids games like pin the tail on the donkey and musical chairs. The motif is smiley faces. Here’s the invite:




I tried Rachel’s patience by changing my mind a million times. But she was steadfast in her refusal to openly advocate for the party. She does that and it’s over. But Rachel’s no dummy; she let me stew in my own ambivalence. And then in the end I decided to do it, telling myself that it will probably turn out to be one of those things that’s a hundred times better than I had imagined, one of those things that makes me realize what a total fucking moron I am for not doing certain things because I supposedly know what they’re going to be like, one of those things that renews my sense of possibility and hope and makes me feel that life has a certain magic that cant be denied or suppressed, despite everything. Anyway, it had better turn out this way because I’ve already wasted $7.97 on the invitations—without counting the stamps!

Still to buy: smiley-face napkins, smiley-face hats, smiley-face plates, smiley-face cups, and a yard-wide smiley-face for decoration.

The menu is pizza.