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Fortune | Nov 21 2001

My step-grandfather Andy died by running himself over.

This was years ago, and I should add that Andy was a remarkably stupid man, perhaps the stupidest person I have ever known. This said, Andy’s death was not merely the result of stupidity but rather a combination of stupidity and stubbornness and old age and perhaps a fourth thing, bad luck, although this final factor is debatable.

The story is this. Andy stopped at a Texaco station to fill up on gas, but in characteristic fashion failed to park close enough for the pump to reach the gas tank. Not realizing this, he got out of the car, tried to use the pump, saw that it wouldn’t work, and got back in the car, presumably to move the car closer to the pump.

For unknown reasons, Andy neglected to shut the driver-side door before starting the car again. This was his fatal mistake. Well, either this or his decision to drive with his left leg partly outside the vehicle. In either case, the location of Andy’s left leg forced him into an awkward spread-eagle position which in turn made it difficult for him to control the vehicle as he pulled forward. Or rather, as he careened forward, for that is what Andy did: he careened.

Fortune is subjective. There is always cause to say that luck either is or is not on one’s side. Andy’s death is a case in point. For while it is true that he avoided hitting any oncoming motorists, it is also true that he struck a succession of parked cars. The optimist would say that Andy was lucky to kill no one but himself, while the pessimist would consider Andy’s death proof of bad fortune. For my purposes here, I will stick to the facts and leave these determinations to others.

After smashing a final parked car, Andy jumped over a curb (or rather, his vehicle did, for there is some question here as to volition), then sped across a connected series of lawns, leaving toppled fences and broken ornaments in his wake.

Oddly, I cannot recall what happened next. Which is to say that I have forgotten what it was that Andy crashed into. Was it a wall of some kind? I believe it was a wall. At any rate, Andy was no longer inside the vehicle when this crash occurred and thus it may not be correct to say that it was he who did the crashing.

More significantly, I have always assumed that Andy met his end by tumbling out of the car. Certainly this is how the story has been related to me. However, it occurs to me now, as I consider the final moments of Andy’s life, that his fall may in fact have been a jump. That is, unable to bring his left leg into the car, Andy may have decided to abandon ship, as it were, and follow the leg out.

Whatever the truth, and perhaps it is better that we cannot know, Andy did what many would have thought impossible: he ran himself over. And died. He died by running himself over.