November 21, 2002

Ad

Many years ago a friend submitted a personal ad to the Boston Phoenix that read, simply, “I want to eat your brains.” Unfortunately the jerks at the Boston Phoenix told her that her ad had to sound more like a date, so she changed it to read, “I want to eat your brains and then see a movie or something.” This they accepted.

Months later I submitted my own personal ad, and this they rejected on the grounds that it was too short. Evidently, in order for the Boston Phoenix to accept your ad, you had to make it sound like a date and you had to use more than two words.

Sadly it was impossible to lengthen my ad, even by a single word, without destroying it. I knew this without trying, so I did not try.

It was excruciating, though, because my ad was better than any personal ad I had ever read. This is what it said:

Minimalist seeks.